Last week’s article (see it at http://10minutesaday.blogspot.com/2008/03/death-is-another-country.html ) must have hit a nerve, because it provoked more response than any article in a long time. I’m including a selection of what I received in return below.

I went to the memorial service that Dan’s spiritual community (of which I am a member) held for him. We all just sat in a (huge) circle and members offered memories of him as they felt moved to speak. It was touching to hear, and to hear the members caring for each other. I was blown away by the poise of his two young adult children, who articulated their gratitude for the community’s role in their father’s life, and who seemed to be very positive in the face of this really difficult circumstance.

Here’s an odd thing. One woman who was at the service told me her brother had died the day before the service, and another told me her 104 year old grandmother had died two days before it. Given the notes below, I really wonder if we have entered the times of change that have been predicted by so many traditions for so long.

Hollis

I've had two friend die in 5 days - there have been 3 suicides in three weeks out here in West Marin - my friend who lives in
a small community on the Trinity River tells me there have been 40 deaths since December in their tiny community mostly accidents some
suicides and sudden onset illness. Astrologically we are in a time of great transformation and shift - many souls will choose to leave at this
point.

RC

A very good friend of mine died almost two weeks ago. And I think death is simply giving up the illusion of darkness. We are all light whether in this dimension or another; energy and love. I think we re-fold back into the light of the divine spark within ourselves, back into the universe as we 1st knew it, before we entered this dimension in another state of transformation. You know the rest...its love without in or out; top or bottom - as for my friend, in remembrance of her I close my correspondences with 'Savor the moment,' because that was her way. Her life was so full I could almost taste it whenever I was with her. She was my best friend's mother and a surrogate mom. She was a cancer survivor of 23 years.

So its ironic reading your email. These have been my thoughts. Thanks for the chance to share them.

Be well and savor the moment - no matter what it is. I pray the good ones last long and the sad ones pass quickly.

Kathy Lavine

And it, too, hit me like a ton of bricks. I did have a number of very sweet interactions with him, and, as you put in a much more eloquent way, it really hits close to home. Hard when people around our age die, especially those that we know. I am very sad about it -

KK

I cried for the loss of Dan when I read this, and still am. There must be something special about him that touches people's hearts. Another of my immediate thoughts about him was that he was only 50 and apparently healthy--and that does hit very close to home. It really could happen to any of us, and for those of us who live alone--like Dan--we might not even be missed right away. I guess we need these reminders so we'll make the most of life while we have it.
LW

[I think that when people die alone, they are actually giving the rest of us a huge gift. Why? Because we’re fine between the time they leave their bodies and the time we find out about it, which means that we already know, at a very deep level, that we can be okay without them around. H.]

Your description of Dan’s passing is so wonderful. He was a wonderful guy and I did know and appreciate him a lot. He also liked me a lot. That’s the part that makes it sweet and sad, bittersweet.

I just wonder, if everyone thought this person in my life may not be here tomorrow, would I treat them better? Would maybe transform our planet. Thanks so much for your thoughtfulness and eloquence.

I knew Dan was going to go in this way, I just did not know when. I spoke with [a mutual friend] last week, and she asked if I knew someone who could benefit from her [health] coaching program and I said, yes, Dan would, he really needs your help. I've done this before with countless others. Its cool, spooky and scary all at the same time.

I'm not sure what do to with the information when I have it.

CC

I met a man recently who works with the Mayans. The real deal. I understand that 100's of thousands of people will be leaving their bodies rather abruptly in the coming years. We need to learn how to be open to this as not being a "bad" thing. And, if it were my friend, I'd be mourning too.

AL

I was teaching Hypnocoaching last weekend to a group in Oakland, when a student’s question started me on a rant about a pet peeve, which is the very concept of gremlins, demons, or self-sabotage. This is important, so I’m sharing it with you.

We all have emotional baggage -- internal things that get in the way of us creating what we want in our lives and businesses. Perhaps you’ve heard these referred to as ‘gremlins’ or ‘demons’.

And we’ve all had the experience of wanting something, and just as we get really close to achieving it, it slips away. Maybe you’ve had the experience more than once. And then you’ve wondered, “what’s wrong with me?” So someone handed you the idea that you could be sabotaging yourself. This sets up the idea that you could deliberately, intentionally be stopping yourself from getting what you want. Nothing could be further from the truth.

What’s actually happening in both these cases is that part of you just wants something different -- and perhaps incompatible.

Just labeling these admittedly less-than-helpful parts of ourselves in these negative ways is doing yourself a disservice. Why?

First, whatever is stopping you from getting what you choose is a part of you. And you don’t react particularly well to someone calling you a nasty name, do you? If I called you an idiot, would it make you want to cooperate with me? No. And calling these parts of yourself nasty names doesn’t make them want to cooperate, either. Making yourself wrong by saying ‘I’m sabotaging myself’, just makes you feel bad about yourself, which makes the situation worse, without offering a solution.

Let’s use my client, Stephanie, as an example. She desperately wants to “take her business to the next level”, but can’t make herself do any of the things that she knows will get here there. She had labeled the part of her that is stopping her a ‘gremlin’, which set up a struggle with it.

What do you do instead of using these destructive labels?

First, recognize that any part of you that is getting in the way of what you (think you) want actually has a positive purpose. Perhaps this part of you was created at another time, in other circumstances, to get you what you needed or wanted at the time, and has outlived its usefulness. Or perhaps it wants something good for you now, that you’re not aware of, or that seems to conflict with what you want consciously.

Some discussion uncovered that both of Stephanie’s parents were very successful — but they worked all the time, so that she felt ignored and unloved. So the part of her that was stopping her was created when she was about 5, and it was worried that if she were successful, she’d never have any time for herself or her family. So, of course, it wanted her to avoid business success, so that she could have a happy family life, and both she and her kids would feel loved.

Second, honor and thank that part of you for doing such a good job. If it were sleeping on the job, it wouldn’t have come up! And it’s much more likely to cooperate if you are respectful of it. Again, if I say to you, “I honor what a good job you’re doing, and could you please just do your job a little differently?”, you‘re more likely to work with me than if I call you a “pea-brained a**hole”, right?

Instead of calling this part of her a ‘gremlin’, Stephanie thanked this part of herself for doing such a good job.

Third, figure out what its positive purpose is, and then help it get that, in a way that works for the rest of you. This is often a sort of internal negotiation.

Stephanie told this part of her that she was grateful for its desire for her to take care of herself and spend plenty of time with her family. And then she explained that it really didn’t work for the rest of her, and in fact, was getting in the way of her taking care of her family — financially. It understood and relaxed. She promised it that she’d make sure to hire people to take some of the burden of a successful business away from her, so that she’d have time to relax alone and time to hang out with her husband and kids. In the end, the part of her agreed, and then also agreed to remind her with a particular feeling when she wasn’t keeping up her end of the agreement.

What parts of you are getting in your way? If you want help identifying, making friends with and working with the parts of you formerly known as ‘gremlins’, call me at 888-4-hollis! Stop the struggle! You can do this. With me as your guide, it’s quicker and easier than you think.